His Conscious Is A Woman 

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Conscience is beyond reason and discussion. It is an immediate dictatory command to delve deep into the depths of virtue or to rise high above the level of immorality. Your conscience is adorned with truth, justice and courage. Your conscience gently warns you against something like a friend or teacher before it punishes you like an executor.

Cowardice asks, “Is it safe” Greed asks, “Is there any gain in it?” Arrogance asks, “Can I become great?” Lust asks. “Is there pleasure in it?” But conscience asks, “Is it right?”

This is what, among others, a woman is to the man she’s committed to – his conscience. Her obligation is to advise and correct her man out of kindness. She shouldn’t emasculate her partner, try to change him or even haunt him with guilt and judgment – all she has to do is lead him in the right direction of life. 

Now because most women don’t know and understand the position they hold in their partner’s life they’re forever complaining, talking and nagging. Such a woman makes her partner feel like he’s carrying around a murderer’s conscience, he feels like he’s possessed by a demon and thus he feels tormented. He will then resort to avoidance and find refuge in something which will calm his mind – this could be something like alcohol or even another woman. 

When a woman is always “noisy” her husband she starts turning into a whirlwind conscience – she consumes his thinking and overrides his love for himself. She seeps into his consciousness and it starts distorting how he sees himself, he gets distracted in all avenues of his life, he starts going around offending and picking fights with people – he turns into a monster, he sinks into episodes of paranoia and he sometimes withdraws from society and lastly, a man with such a woman in his life never succeeds in anything.

A man’s mind is as quiet as a monastery, that’s why they come across as if they’re ignorant but they’re rather like silent waters which run very deep, and no one wants such peace to be disturbed. If a woman wants her man to stick around and always listen to her she has to tone it down a bit or else he’ll run away like a deer who’s heard a gunshot in the forest – he’ll definitely put his sanity first.

Sometimes men just want to admire their women’s beauty in peace – let them be allowed to do so.

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Who You Belong To

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A reading from the book of Ephesians 2: 19 – 22 “Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant or insecure, remember to whom you belong.”

Human beings have a way of making the other feel unloved, even the very people who delivered you into this world and were entrusted with loving you – your parents, can make you feel worthless.

Every time we attend funerals the one leading the funeral service will remind us that we are dust and that one day to dust we shall return. Yes, we were moulded from the earth’s clay, but who breathed life into us and gave us a purpose in life? It is God the Almighty, the One who grows a child in a woman’s womb for nine months, the One who keeps time moving, the One who never repeats a single day in your life, the One whose voice reverberates in the sky when rain approaches etc. This is the Being to whom we all belong.

You are of sentimental value to your Creator – you’ve been given a purpose that’s why you are important, you are loved and safe that is why you’re still alive right now despite all the bad things you’ve been through.

Whether you’re paraplegic, blind, deaf etc. you do have a purpose that’s why you were created that way – the Creator has put you on this earth the way you are to teach other people to live with someone different to themselves, you are teaching people how to live an elastic life. And those who go through life feeling unloved, trust that there’s someone out there who loves you in silence that is why you’re still alive – no one has publicly professed their love for you but you being alive has an impact on their life, that is how God has made things to be.

Sometimes people entrust themselves to a broken person who can perfectly pretend to be fine – later in life that person will break you so that you look like them. The creator is the only one who can properly take care of their creation, the curator can try to take good care of the creation to the best of their abilities but the care will lack something provided the curator adores the creator of the creation – the best lovers are those who have a well looked after relationship with their God.

Remember you were created for a purpose with love and passion – you are loved and you are important. You are of sentimental value to your Creator.

Blessed Is The Fruit Of Thy Womb

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It all starts with the morning sickness, the weight gain, the bottomless pit appetite, the swollen ankles, the backache, the heartburn, the tiredness, the insomnia, the countless trips to the loo, the raging hormones and the final cherry on top, the labour pains. But even after all this nine months of hell, the most sacred and breathtaking moments in a woman’s life happen during pregnancy. The birth of that angelic bundle of joy makes jumping through all those hoops of fire worth it. I once heard a man say that he wished that he too could fall pregnant and go through all this just to experience the awe of bringing a life into the world.

A woman will feel the greatest of pain when her man cheats on her, she might even lose her sanity if her husband divorces her but there is no greater pain in a woman’s life like not being able to fall pregnant, not being able to carry a baby to term, suffering a miscarriages or having to bury their child at any age the child might die at.

Even though Eve got women punished from generation to generation until the end of time but upon those very women the Creator has bestowed an indelible gift, a gift of being a vessel of life and for this gift every woman should be thankful. The best thank you a woman can give the Creator is by taking care of herself – treating her body like a palace and not a pigsty; another show of gratitude is by taking good care of the child pre and post birth. Give him or her the best love ever, protect them and most of all teach them about the greatness of the Creator.

To those women who have been told that they can’t bear kids of their own, wait upon the Lord. To those who are soon-to-be mommies, recognise with great appreciation the blessing you’ve been blessed with and to those whose womb hasn’t been home to God’s angel(s) as yet, keep the home warm and hearty for the baby(ies) arrival.

Allow me to say this, women are definitely angels of life on earth – this is our calling.

Renounce & Denounce

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Words can start a war and words can bring peace, words can build, words can break, words can hurt, words can heal, words can kill and they can give life. Words can bring understanding as much as they can bring misunderstanding and words can build confidence or break it. With that said, we need to be very cautious of what comes out of our mouths because words have the power to bring feelings and ideas to life and they also have the power to change a life for better or worse.

Words are like seeds – some you’ll scatter them your path and birds will come and eat, some will fall in rocky places with little soil where they germinate quicker but will wither away even quicker because they have no roots. Some of the words you plant will fall into thorny places, these thorns will grow bigger and will suffocate the plant and some will fall on very fertile ground and they will produce beautiful and edible fruits.

Be careful that your words don’t become bird food (gossip), give your words roots so that they may not wither away but stay in a person’s mind and heart forever; do not say things just to manipulate the next person like saying “I love you” to a person just because they are rich. Rather speak your words so that they may be understood, professed, kept in the heart and received well for them to make a positive impact in a person’s life.

A person’s reception of what you say depends holistically on the condition of their heart and mind. If the only thing a person feels for you is hate, everything you say to them will carry negativity. To the one you love, prepare their heart like you prepare the soil for planting – condition their heart to purely receive your profession of love and to take to heart your promises.

As the saying goes, “the proof is in the pudding” – let me turn my attention to how words ruined an 19 year marriage. Marah Louw, a South African actress and songstress was married to a Scottish businessman, Bill Thomson. Marah say that for 16 years of the 19 years their marriage was filled with happiness until her then husband started acting up – he started having issues with her weight, he started calling her “ugly” among many other nasty comments. She says the way things were bad she felt like she was cracking up, that’s when she sought therapy in Cape Town. This is a classic example of body shaming and this shaming is nothing else but verbal – another example of the effects of words.

Marah Louw has recently released her tell all autobiography, where she’s written about her married and many more of her life events – the book is titled It’s Me, Marah.

As Tom Stoppard writes, “Words… They’re innocent, neutral, precise, standing for this, describing that, meaning the other, so if you look after them you can build bridges across incomprehension and chaos. But when they get their corners knocked off, they’re no good any more…”

Guard your mouth because what you say goes into the universe and can come into existence – will like it, will you not?

Don’t Serve Yourself On A Silver Platter

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When we start out in a new relationship we wish for it to be forever – sometimes it does become forever and at times things come apart.

There is nowhere where it’s written that you need to act like a wife so that a man can see you to be worthy of marriage. You can’t bestow wife privileges upon a man who hasn’t put a ring on it, doing that will only sabotage your chances of getting married.

When culture was still followed properly, in African culture a woman would never sleep over at her boyfriend’s place until he would send his uncles to her family to ask for her hand in marriage. Such customs prevented men from using women for pleasure then later dump them. A proper commitment had to take place between the two for the woman to be recognised as the lady of the house who can lay down the law when necessary.

Every woman needs to understand that for as long as he hasn’t married you, you remain as his friend who is a girl and friends sometimes have limited access in another friend’s life.

No unmarried man gets a hot meal every night, has a sparkling clean house or has his kid (s) unless he has a maid or lives with his mother. Your worth as a woman well suited for marriage doesn’t depend on your ability to keep a home, a man should marry you for love. As much as a healthy relationship requires an individual to compromise for the other, girlfriends don’t sacrifice their happiness just to please the boyfriend. If the boyfriend is a real man he will never make his girlfriend choose between his needs and her own.

The saying “no sex before marriage” arouse from such a predicament – no girlfriend sleeps with her boyfriend on a daily basis. We all know that sex can be addictive for some people and with that being said some end up being stuck in toxic marriages just because the sex is good. As a girlfriend you have to serve him small portions of the cake because if he eats the whole cake in short space of time he will get extremely full and he won’t be able to get up and wash that plate, he will rather throw the plate away – remember, that plate is you the girlfriend. If your boyfriend acts as if he’s bought sexual exclusive rights to your body then don’t waste time on him – no one has ever seen a cookie jar wearing a wedding ring. Sex may make you adored and glorified for a while – who would buy the cow if he can abundantly get the milk for free?

Don’t catch the “saviour complex”. No girlfriend shares financial responsibilities with her boyfriend, you’re not married in community of property as yet. Keep your nose out of his financial obligations, don’t take it upon yourself to pay off huge financial obligations like the car, the house etc – we all know how money can mess things up. If you’re a natural giver, give, but not too much.

As the girlfriend don’t become clingy – you’ll end up being the obsessive wife. And remember, as far as his family is concerned you’re a stranger, so tread carefully around the family. Another thing, while you’re still the girlfriend don’t let your boyfriend know much about your weaknesses – he’s not yet the man for the job.

Love him, support him but don’t overstep the mark.

As it is written in Proverbs 18:24 “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family”. I hope you find that true friend.

Be True To Thyself

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With every day which comes and goes, it’s increasingly becoming harder to trust people and for some people it’s becoming even harder to trust themselves. People continue to make wrong decisions when it comes to different spheres of life because they fail to listen to their gut feeling, some have even lost the ones they love because they didn’t trust what their emotions enough. Human beings have become accustomed to lying to themselves.

When it comes to being true to ourselves there’s a lot we can learn from the animals we were given dominion over. Despite the fact that global warming has altered the natural patterns of nature, animals are themselves all the time. As an example, a pig always portrays pure pig behaviour, it never does anything out of its character – whether you bath a it in perfume or put lipstick on it, it will always go back to rolling in the mud – this is because this pig is supremely comfortable in the scheme of things. This goes for all animals. Humans aren’t always this true to their nature, we struggle with comfortability in our own skin in today’s multifaceted society, this in turn leads to us staying in unsatisfactory jobs or accepting relationships which are ill suited for our personalities.

We need to reinstate the trust in ourselves and we can only do this if we use animal survival tactics. We need to COMMUNICATE – animals communicate for various reasons like hunting for food, warning others of danger and attracting a mate. We too should get in the habit of communicating with our specie to avoid misunderstandings, to make our intentions known and to have successful relationships with our families, friends and partners.

We have to use our INSTINCTS. Just like in animals, our instincts are engrailed into us when we’re still developing in our mothers’ wombs. Animals are born with natural instincts, that’s how beavers know how to build a bridge or how elephant calves can run around after a couple of hours of being born. We too are born like that but we need to train that instinct further, we need to awaken our intuition and we need to be conscious of our gut feeling.

We need to be INTELLIGENT. Even though as human we were made to have dominion over all animals the level of human intelligence does not hugely exceed the level of intelligence of animals like dolphins, apes and dogs. It is for this reason that we have to go to school to gain further knowledge – that’s why there’s a clear distinction between those people who have gone to school and those who haven’t. School teaches people a lot of things thus making education paramount to human kind.

Everyone has to have a STRATEGY. It is usually said that in the wild it is the survival of the fittest. Animals always have a certain way of doing things they have defence, hunting, resting and mating strategies. We too also have to have strategies which will get us through life, things like having morals and values and staying true to them.

We have to be able to CAMOUFLAGE. Animals use their ability to go unnoticed in their surrounding environment to hide from danger. We have to have that same ability to make our weaknesses unnoticed to be able to survive in life’s wilderness – fake it till you make it.

We’re not only like animals but we are animals, we are animals with the peculiar advantage of having both instinct and reason at our disposal. So we have the capacity to fuse both morality and instinct to maintain our tame nature and not be raw and rogue like animals in the wild.

Human beings shouldn’t be afraid of the power they possess – everyone should use their power of attraction, their power to choose and their power to love to the fullest, this will definitely help everyone to be true to themselves.

As Jennifer DeLucy says “If nothing else in this long and short life, let me be true to my conscience, to the dignity of my own heart. Let me act in a way that says, I have honoured my spirit as truly as I have honoured others. Let me stand tall and rooted as a mountain in the face of a quaking world.”

His Cry for Help

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There is nothing that hurts me like seeing a man cry. I’m not talking about those who were caught cheating, those who cry when drunk, those who cry when their favourite team has been beaten or momma’s boys – I’m talking about those who you’ve never seen defeated even though they find themselves in a defeating situation. I do not see it as a sign of weakness but I see it as a sign of deep rooted pain.

People often wonder as to when will men learn to ask for help, and the answer is simple – men will learn to ask for help when society, their families and their partners are ready to give them bread when they ask for bread instead of a snake to eat. How do we expect our men to openly ask for help when they’ve been demonised so badly in society – when they’re seen to having ulterior motives whenever they say “Hello”? This curling up of theirs like an Armadillo when it senses danger is a protection mechanism, they’re protecting their hearts from hurt and they’ll never uncoil until they sense that the danger is gone.

The best way to get a man to open up is by trusting him and showing him that he can trust you. When you put trust in someone you greatly increase their ability to have faith in themselves and achieve beyond measure.

To have a strong fibre of men society should refrain from having preconceived ideas about men – society should stop falsely accusing men and sending them to time behind bars of helplessness. Women should stop thinking that every man who talks to her wants to get underneath her skirt, mothers should stop teaching their daughters to fear their fathers, not every man is a rapist and not every man is a dog. And let’s try and not give life to the “men and women can’t be friends” saying, there’s more to men than just sex.

A word to the ladies – when a guy comes on to you and you feel that he’s not in your league let him down gently, don’t make him feel like he’s subhuman. Some may be able to handle being chewed up and spat out but others will habour that anger of rejection. Such things are what breed rapists, alcoholics etc. in some men.

Men just like infants, “cry” whenever they want something and it’s up to the infant’s mother to know her baby’s cry and with men as well, it’s up to his woman to know what his cry for help sounds like.

There is nothing complicated about men.