We are told by those who call themselves African culture conservationists that monogamy is one of the many practices we`ve adopted from the western culture – thus considering monogamy as “unAfrican”. For those people who say they`ve seen the civilization light, they say polygamy is not only backward thinking but it also has to be considered a violation of women`s rights.
Those people who are still ruting for polygamy in 2015 justify their opinion by saying that polygamy would bring to an end the reign of a mistress – but question is would the modern man, who shaves with a battery powered shaving machine be able to handle more than one wife?
The reason polygamy was a norm before technology was because of the unequal societal and cultural power dynamics that existed between men and women – it was all about the men and how they were to be satisfied. Obviously sex took centre stage in the marrying of many wives – he would never get excuses like “I have a headache”, “I have an early meeting tomorrow”, “I`m tired”, “It`s those days of the month” and on the other hand he wouldn`t have to wait for the wife to heal after childbirth before engaging in sex, if two are pregnant the other five are ready for action – and you wonder if marriage is more about sex and less about love.
How does one man claim to equally love five different women who would all be his wives and how would the husband get the wives to get along? One thing is for certain, modern women even if they respect the teaching of culture don`t feel comfortable knowingly sharing their husbands just as much as it`s uncomfortable unknowingly sharing your husband – even those women from years back had the same uncomfortable feeling of “man-sharing” that today`s women also suffer from, the only difference is that women of 2015 are liberated to voice their concerns and women of 1940 died a silent emotional death because of patriarchy.
Women compete emotionally with each other, that`s why getting along is difficult for them especially if they`re competing for the same thing. They put in a lot of emotion in winning something that it`ll be difficult for either of them to let the other win.
Being responsible for a person`s emotions is a huge task and trying to please more than one person is even more difficult, so a monogamous relationship helps partners to concentrate on each other to be able to perfect the art of love. We`re not saying we should denounce our African cultural practices but we should accept that society is evolving and the more it evolves the more a lot of things will be redefined to make sense to current living.
Two is a party 3, 4, 5 is a crowd.