Ashes to Ashes



Death is one such topic that most but not all people usually refrain from engaging in as if it`s almost a taboo subject, because for some it instills fear in them and for others it brings back horrible memories and nostalgia.  Death is inevitable, it is as natural as child birth is but every time it occurs the pain rips your heart out no matter how many funerals you`ve ever attended, you never get use to how badly it hurts.

Death affects us all in different ways no matter how it occurred, whether the deceased was sick, was killed or was involved in an accident – some will accept the reality of the passing of a loved one immediately, some will struggle for years with coming to terms with that death and others will remain unfazed by it.

The question is what causes this indescribable pain? Maybe it`s the fear of the unknown, we look into that dark 6 feet deep hole in the ground and we immediately feel claustrophobic, maybe it`s because our love for them compels us to protect them but because where they`re going is foreign to us we feel helpless or maybe it`s being hardly hit by the reality of never seeing them again in the flesh that shatters the spirit. Another thing could be the feeling of being left all alone and now fearing to face the world without that person`s support and love.

Some people have stopped believing in God and others have come to question the concept of God all because of death – because it is preached on mountain tops, in synagogues and in churches that God is love and that everything He does is out of love but then people seem to struggle with understanding that why would a Higher Being who you are told and ought to know that they love you would come back and hurt you – that is the mystery of death.

When the heart has stopped beating and the smile has faded and the words “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust” have been pronounced, it signifies the end of the flesh’s journey and beginning of the spirit’s journey. You will never get those hugs or hear that “I love you” but their spirit will always be with you as it has not died and the memories which you’re left with will keep them alive in your heart.

When death has come in the night and stolen the life of your loved one don’t try and be brave heart, cry and let it all out until your body can no longer cry anymore and all that is left for it to do is carry on.

“For death is but a passing phase of Life;
A change of dress, a disrobing;
A birth into the unborn again;
A commencing where we ended;
A starting where we stopped to rest;
A crossroad of Eternity;
A giving up of something, to possess all things.
The end of the unreal, the beginning of the real”.

EDWIN LEIBFREED, “The Song of the Soul”


Separate lives



“Marriage is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly and in the fear of God”.

These days most people enter into marriage unadvisedly, lightly, irreverently, indiscreetly, “drunk in love” and forgetting about God.

People pay much attention to the wedding ceremony and forget about what the institution of marriage should be founded on, that is why a lot of these unions end up in divorces. The till death vow has expired, in some marriages including newlyweds people psychologically make  room for divorce, that’s why when things get tough partners flee from each other. 

Those who`ve gone through it will tell you that divorce is as painful as the death of a loved one. Parting ways with a person especially who you thought you loved or who you thought loved you can never be easy, it is as difficult as that moment when there is no longer any chance of life and you have to turn off the life-support machine of your only child.

Even though family elders, priests and marriage counselors tell you to hold on to your marriage and make it work even though things look bleak, there are some instance which call for a divorce no matter how much the Bible detests it.

If a marriage between two people doesn`t affect anyone positively it is better that the two part ways before they destroy each other. You will go through a lot of conflicting emotions as you contemplate on filing for divorce, but at the end of the day a decision must be made. You`ll start questioning yourself on why did you get married and you`ll wish to come up with an answer that might just help you put things into perspective but it hardly ever happens, either the reasons aren`t valid ones or you just can`t do it anymore.

If you`re indeed determined to divorce your spouse make sure that you`re emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially, physically and financially well prepared – there shouldn`t be any looking back least you become Lot`s wife and turn into a pillar of salt.

The fact that your marriage failed shouldn`t be that disgraceful because failure shows that you didn`t give up but at least tried fixing the twist but it just wouldn`t straighten out. Divorce isn`t a huge tragedy, a tragedy is when you decide to stay in an unhappy marriage.

The very same Bible that condemns divorce also says for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under the sun.

His message



The person who came up with the saying “actions speak louder than words” must be a man, because this is true of men – their actions do speak louder than their words. A man will repeat one mistake over and over again until his partner gets the message whatever message that might be.

It`s not enough to catch him in the act and then get him to sincerely apologize and beg for your forgiveness with gifts – if you don’t get to the root cause of his cheating then you haven`t solved anything despite the apologies. As his partner, you might want to be seen as a saint on earth but how much can you endure before you get it that he`s sending you a message of some sort?

His cheating may suggest that either he feels that you`ve neglected his needs and wants your attention, he might feel insecure about something and would like for you to set the record straight, he might be having inner conflicts and he wants you listen to him, he might find it hard to open up to you and would like you to be more of his confidante or he might just want to part ways with you and he prefers the “easy” way out.

It would now be up to you if you can or are willing to read whatever message he`s communicating to you with his cheating and if you`re willing to give him the answer he wants or will you ignore everything, forgive him and continue blaming yourself for nothing.

If you`ve been in the relationships sphere long enough you will have realized that men have a particular fear of letting go of a relationship without an alternative – it`s either he`s been eyeing someone who herself has being showing some kind of interest in him from a distance or there is someone already. It`s very rare that he`ll break up with his partner and stay single for a while unless in his previous relationship he was badly hurt to a point where he thinks he`s done with women.

A man is the raw and realistic part of a relationship, he will bring out the best and sometimes the worst in you, force you to face the truth about your inner and outer self, he will make you build and break friendships and family relationships and a whole lot more just because you can`t understand the messages he`s sending to you.

So next time your man cheats on you it`s either you send him away and don`t look back or if you care that much to forgive him first understand why he really did it no matter how painful it might be to you – it`s another way of self discovery for the both of you.

Cheaters find it hard to change because they went on for too long in their life being misunderstood, misinterpreted and not called to order in relationships, that’s how the habit of cheating became a norm and he eventually adopted it as character trait.

It`s not psycho-analysis, it`s simply part of the truth.



We go out into the world in pursuit of happiness but most of the time we come back with nothing if not with more misery – why is that? The problem is that people hold on to a concoction of pain and most of the time we are hesitant to confront the cause of the pain so that we can get closure.

For any unhappiness you`re  experiencing  in your life blame no one else  but yourself. You are the person  who has chosen to hold on to that person who brings nothing but misery and regret in your life, you are  the one who has chosen to hold on the memories of a painful period or situation in your life, you are the one who has  chosen to hold on to a irreparable situation, relationship or marriage with the hope of it working out and you are the one who has  chosen to pretend that everything is alright whereas nothing is working out. Some people don`t know how unhappy they are because they`ve learnt to live with the pain that`s in their lives and they know no other life than that to be able to differentiate between happiness and misery.

Happiness is nothing but a healthy feel good state of the mind and emotions and the only way to unchain yourself of the shackles of unhappiness is by letting  go of whatever or whoever unsettles your  heart. Do not be terrified to love and be loved, invest in nothing but the truth, build your relationships and friendships on trust and learn to give not only other people but yourself as well and you`ll know what happiness feels like.