My Fair Lady

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In his track titled “Miss. Independent” Ne-yo says “…she wants you but doesn`t need you…” – this is the kind of woman that exists today. Today we`re in an era of women who have rights, privileges, opinions and who can do things for themselves – does chivalry still have significance in such a woman`s life?

If a woman can afford to buy herself an AMG do you still see the need to open the door for her or if she`s the CEO of multi-million rand, dollar or pound company do you still see it necessary to call her at work and ask how her how`s her day been?

No matter how much power a woman possesses in her life she still measures the quality of a man by the degree of his politeness towards her – if you can still pull out a chair for her after she waltzes into the restaurant with a Gucci bag she bought for herself then you prove to her that a woman to you isn`t just about cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids she`s also about being cherished and respected.

Chivalry is also about courtliness. Leave money out of the equation, when you approach a woman don`t use sex as a show of love immediately after meeting her – using sex and money to impress a woman just makes you look like a pimp and not a gentleman. When you see a woman you like, introduce yourself and get to know her a bit better, it doesn`t have to happen all at once just take your time, that way she`ll also get time to think through if she`ll say Yes or No to your proposal once you put it clearly to her. Courting a woman is all about trying your luck of love, it could be a Yes or it could be a No from her all you have to do is to accept whatever answer you get. As much as you wouldn`t bribe a judge in a court of law to rule in your favour don`t bribe her as well with whispering sweet nothings in her ear just gunning for a good time between the sheets – that`s not what being a gentleman is all about.

No matter how much a woman feels in control of her life, one thing should remain the same – men should be the ones who go down on one knee and ask a woman to marry them not the other way around – Eve was made from Adam`s rib so that she could help him, that’s where chivalry all began.

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The One

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When eagles mate up, they maintain their relationship forever, so the female eagle carefully chooses the male eagle. When a male eagle shows interest, the female gives him many tests. First test is the visual test. They fly up, down, slow, and fast checking the male’s strength and dexterity. If any problems are found, she will abandon him and find a new mate. She also tests strength of the male by dropping sticks high in the sky. She will continue to do this, each time dropping a larger stick. If the male fails to catch the stick, the female will abandon him and find a new suitor. The reason why these tests are so important is because when the baby eagles fail to fly, the male has to catch them and bring back to the nest. When she finally admits that the male is strong enough to protect the babies, she mates with the male.

What do you look for in a prospective partner?

They say don`t go for looks because looks can be deceiving, don`t go for wealth because it could fade away – rather go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile can make a  dark day seem bright. Knowing what puts a smile on your face will make it simple to know what kind of person would make a perfect partner for you.

The rule of the game is this –  don`t put your prospective partner in a mould or check him or her against a list you`ve drawn up  of what your  “Mr. Right” or “Mrs. Right” should possess – don`t try and bring a figment of your imagination to life, there should be a clear distinction between a fairytale and real life. In real life people are perfectly imperfect – they  have a past, they make mistakes and they deserve second chances and the sooner we accept this in our pursuit for lasting relationships the easier it will be to find and maintain them.

When you look for a person to be your partner look for someone who will be your confidante (someone you can trust that he/she will never judge or scorn you),  your companion (someone who will make sense of senseless situations), a thinker (someone who possesses positivity in mind, who will be your support system without compromising themselves) and someone who will be your conscience (a gentle corrector and advisor).

The golden rule is, YOUR HAPPINESS COMES FIRST.

Self murder

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When we are born into this world the most precious gift of all is bestowed upon us by the Creator, the gift of life – what we make of our lives is up to us. Life will present a person with love and hate, truth and lies, good and bad and right and wrong – some will defy the odds and some will break.

The question is what kind of person breaks and how do they deal with the disappointments and defeats of life? People who get broken by life are usually those who aren`t patient enough and are easily paralyzed by fear, and they usually resort to suicide as a solution to solving their problems.

According to Holy texts, suicide is blasphemous – that`s why in early times before laws changed, the Catholic church would not carry out burial rites for a person who committed suicide nor would they be allowed to be buried in the church`s cemetery. According to human rights every person has the right to life and even though suicide isn`t a criminal offence, the act is still contrary to the right. On the other hand euthanasia and assisted suicide are controversial subjects. As for society, they consider suicide as a cowardly act carried out by an unfaithful person to the teachings of life and they believe that a person who has taken their own life doesn`t deserve to be grieved for.

It`s amazing how people who commit suicide have the guts to face the unknown in the afterlife but fail to face what`s known to them in the land of the living. The life the person decided to end wasn`t granted to them by themselves, that life was given to them by a Higher Being who had other plans for that person on earth – we don`t know what happens to those souls who`ve deliberately gone before their time, maybe a person who committed suicide at 25 years and was meant to live up to 90 years will have their souls walk in the dreaded dark for the coming 65 years before reaching their final destination. Them having committed suicide wouldn`t have solved anything it would have rather cause an irreversible problem of being a restless soul.

Rather than embarking on an unknown mysterious journey rather stay on earth and face the music as you try and search for answers that seem not to exist, God will see you struggle and He will send you help as long as you believe in His power. For those who don`t believe in God, it`ll be high time that you believe in a Higher Power Who gave you life, believe that if the problems you`re going through are meant to kill you, you weren`t be the one to do the killing something else will happen to cause your death.

If you`re contemplating committing suicide or thinking that dying would solve your problems thinking of those people who are lying in that deep, dark and cold grave who would do anything to come back to life and say “I love you” more often to the people they love or who would come back to life to make more wiser decisions.

You only live once, so make the best of it and savor every moments of your beating heart, you have a lot to learn and teach the world.

Dead End

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In life we go into relationships hoping that it`ll be forever, that we`ll be separated by only death from our partners – but usually some other thing force a relationship apart. Some get married because they thought that at that time getting married was the best thing to do, some do it for the sake of the kids, so they don`t grow up in a broken family and some do it as one of life`s rites of passage; those who get married for the real reason of love are like a needle in a haystack.

The question then arises, how do you know that the relationship has hit a dead end and it`s time to call it quits?  When you live together apart, when you look at him/her and you feel empty, when the smallest of misunderstandings cause a volcanic fight, when the love isn`t strong enough to extinguish the anger, when you bring out the worst in each other and when one partner is much happier away from the other partner then you definitely know that your relationship has died and the only thing that`s keeping it alive is the life machine of hope and it`ll only be a matter of time before one of the two partners decides to switch the machine off.

It is true that letting go is the hardest thing any person who has ever experienced love has had to do – the pain of detachment will result from  the fact that you were once one with your partner  in mind, body and emotions, the parting of ways will feel  like a part of you has died and left you paralyzed.

Marriage counselors will usually say that if the both of you are willing to work things out before jumping  to conclusions then you could reverse the falling apart of your relationship/marriage – but we all know that you can only endure walking on hot coal for a certain period of time, you can`t do it for the rest of your life. Sometimes parting ways is the only solution to retain your sanity and happiness and at times it doesn`t mean that you hate each other but you`d be better apart.

In a case where there`s children involved, ask yourselves this question “do our kids deserve dysfunctional parents?”, if the answer to this question is yes, then you might`ve become a parent in a wrong time in your life but if it`s a no then try and fix the situation even if it means separating from the other parent. Kids will forgive you for leaving as long as you never forget about them but they`ll never forgive you for lying to them.

It is better to leave while you still have life in your body rather than to leave lifeless.

Listen

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Who cheat the most between men and women? According to society women are prone to cheating rather than men – do you agree with the answer?

First let’s get to understand what is cheating. Cheating is exposing intimate emotional and physical details about yourself to someone other than your partner – this intimate exposure will ultimately develop into feelings that will lead you into temptation, whether it’s lust or love.

Men should know one important thing about women – women love attention. They enjoy being paid compliments, they like being made to feel as if they are queens even if it’s by the touch of a hand or a smile, they love being bought gifts, they love being called from work and they love it when their presence is being felt and appreciated.  And as a sign of appreciation for such admiration women will flirt with their admirer. The problem arises when this admiration comes from the wrong man – if as a man you don`t pay the necessary attention to your woman someone else will do it for you and that`s how the cheating starts.

Women don`t like being used but some men have unfortunately  hacked their psyche and realized that as long as you buy her a diamond necklace or send her a bunch of flowers at work  as an apology or after a night of passion she`ll be putty in his hands – that`s how some women get confused about being  loved and appreciated and being bribed. If the only time you get presents it when you`re angry and you only hear the words “I love you” after sex then you need to send you partner off to chivalry school.

Note to men –  the fact that a woman is your girlfriend or wife  doesn`t make her invisible to other men so make yourself the reason she smiles every day and then she`ll be all yours. You don`t need to do it with money, a woman would simply smile the whole day as if she`d won the lottery if you`d just say “that colour gives your skin an amazing glow”.

You`re woman will not have time to listen to other men because the man that matters to her is saying all the right things.