Black Romance 

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Romance is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love. Some express their love with a bunch of roses and for others it`ll be a romantic getaway – but for others an act of love is a way of life, a never ending journey and they`re forever trying to captivate the heart of their significant other; it`s just a part of their nature, a manner of upbringing or just a general attitude towards life. Here are the 5 most romantic nationalities around the world:

1. The Italians (anything about Italians is romantic – they`re backed up by their beautiful nature, fantastic food and wine, their rich history and melodious language).
2. The French (the French know the language of love, they`re seduction gods and goddesses, they love life, gourmet food, chocolate and wine).
3. The Brazilians (the Brazilians are open about sex and their sensuality can be sensed in their samba dance).
4. The Spanish (the Spanish are lively, charming and hot and they definitely know all the secrets of seduction).
5. The Argentine (the Argentine have a lot of passion and the perfect expression of their romanticism is found in their tango dance, arguably the world`s most sensuous dance).

Then we throw the Lebanese, American, Swedish, Irish and Indian in the mix. The question is where are the Black nations among the romantics and the passionate?

There`s a belief or stereotype in society that suggests that Black people are unaffectionate, some have proven it to be true and others have tried to bust the “myth” but the impression society gets from the way most Black couples portray themselves is that they need a manual to love the next person especially a spouse who they don`t bear any biological relation to. In those days before technology, boys in African culture were raised with the notion that “men don`t cry”, in turn those boys matured into cold men who thought that it was emasculating to communicate their feelings; on the other hand girls were raised to only depend on a man for survival that`s how many Black women were thought to be “gold-diggers” because some did indeed put that teaching into practice. What`s unfortunate is that till to this day some parents are still raising their children the very same way their grandmothers were raised.

For some people it was a privilege and to others it is still a privilege to be raised by their biological parents, the Black family norm is that parents for different reasons will send off their kids to their parents (grandparents) to live with their many other cousins. A child living in such a setting doesn`t get the necessary attention and love and thus they grow up being “love deprived” turning them into love detached individuals because there`s a group of them running around an elderly couples home and they can`t all get hugs, kisses and the much needed and meaningful “I love you”. Very few individuals who were raised by grandparents turn out to being loving and caring individuals like the few people who were raised in a nuclear family and were taught to love and grew up knowing how to love.

For a majority of Black people especially women a relationship that is free of drama where her partner doesn`t hit her and where bickering isn`t a norm that relationship or marriage isn`t a real one – their parents didn`t teach them in their formative years that a person who loves them would never hurt them, physically or emotionally. A love relationship that carries weight for them is that one which a man gets his way with her and then apologizes with money.

When men meet a less dramatic Black sister who is mellow and overflows with love they immediately think that it`s too good to be true – it`s either he`ll flee from the relationship or marriage after a short period of being together or he`ll start playing mind games with such a woman and take advantage of her loving nature. Some women when they meet and date a Black brother who’ll call her 4 times a day, they think he’s possessive – for once can you set your conspiracy theories aside and just strike while the iron is still hot, enjoy being loved for all the right reasons.

Learn to hug and smile; and practice to say “I`m sorry”, “Thank you” and “I love you” – it`s not a European thing it`s the healthy habits of people who are affectionate.

Allow me to sign off by writing this “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal and the withholding of affection damages the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare”.

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I Am Because You Are

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Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

A marriage is founded on mutual love, couples make mutual decisions and togetherness is the name of the game but spouse should maintain their individuality because individuality is originality. A lot of people after marriage make the mistake of allowing themselves to dissolve into their partner`s character –  a person will no longer be known for who they are they`ll be know for who they`ve become. Spouses should allow each other to be different in ways that are important to themselves. Both parties should appreciate and nurture the healthy individuality of each other. Couples should work out and talk about the zones of autonomy and the zones of mutuality.

Social patterns after marriage typically change to take account of new needs – things like going out on a Friday night with friends is more likely replaced by double date nights with other couple friends. That shouldn’t mean that a person should forsake their single friends, couples should discuss social life adjustments so that a comfortable balance should be struck.
Having a successful marriage or relationship strives on each partner knowing themselves. Not knowing thyself leads to confusion and a waste of time in the hit and miss situations. Before you submit yourself to another person you should be well aware of your strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes and be aware of your moods and how they affect your state of mind.

When partners own their individuality in a marriage, they should have answers to these questions: Who am I? – Where do I come from? – Why am I here? – What will happen when I die? If you don`t own your individuality you`ll be bound to live under the control of your ego and we all know that ego goes against the principles of love – love is not pompous; so if a person`s ego can take over in a relationship then it means that the union isn`t founded on true love and it is destined for early death.

When partners maintain their healthy individuality in a relationship/marriage there will never be a dull moment in their union. Suppressing yourself to please your partner or forcing someone to be someone they`re not is actually stops the growth of your marriage and the growth of your wife or husband, and where there isn`t growth there is only death.

The only way you can be comfortable with your partner owning their individuality is by trusting him/her – it`s not a sin to allow your partner some alone time away from you, giving them time to miss you, just trust that they know that they are entrusted to someone, you.

We need to keep in mind that we weren`t born married to anyone – we know what independence is, we`ve encountered different people and different situations that have shaped our opinions and our outlook on life, we`ve hated ourselves and we`ve learnt to love ourselves and we`ve lost ourselves in the wilderness of life and we luckily found our prodigal self and brought him/her back home. The experiences we`ve had are life`s trying moments and how those experiences have impacted our lives is what creates the individuals we are today.

Delve into your significant other’s world and spend time with them in it, get to know the person you’ve married for richer for poor, in sickness and in health.

Individuality shouldn’t be a way a partner uses to draw border lines for the other, individuality should be kept in a marriage for the sake of happiness.

Legend Of Love

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It is an honour and privilege for someone to love you the way you want to be loved and it’s even a greater honour when someone swears by God that they promise to you love till death. How a couple chooses to celebrate the love they feel for each other shows to the world how they really feel about each other.

One other way a lot of couples, married and dating choose to celebrate their love is on a day called Valentine’s Day on February 14th – couples buy each other gifts, some go on romantic getaways and some even get married on this particular day – but how many of us know how did Valentine’s Day come about and why has it been calendered as the day of love?

“The story of Valentine’s Day begins in the third century with an oppressive Roman emperor and a humble Christian Martyr. The emperor was Claudius II. The Christian was Valentinus.
Claudius had ordered all Romans to worship twelve gods, and had made it a crime punishable by death to associate with Christians. But Valentinus was dedicated to the ideals of Christ; not even the threat of death could keep him from practicing his beliefs. He was arrested and imprisoned.

During the last weeks of Valentinus’s life a remarkable thing happened. Seeing that he was a man of learning, the jailer asked whether his daughter, Julia, might be brought to Valentinus for lessons. She had been blind since birth. Julia was a pretty young girl with a quick mind. Valentinus read stories of Rome’s history to her. He described the world of nature to her. He taught her arithmetic and told her about God. She saw the world through his eyes, trusted his wisdom, and found comfort in his quiet strength.
“Valentinus, does God really hear our prayers?” Julia asked one day.
“Yes, my child, He hears each one.”
“Do you know what I pray for every morning and every night? I pray that I might see. I want so much to see everything you’ve told me about!”
“God does what is best for us if we will only believe in Him,” Valentinus said.
“Oh, Valentinus, I do believe! I do!” She knelt and grasped his hand.
They sat quietly together, each praying. Suddenly there was a brilliant light in the prison cell. Radiant, Julia screamed, “Valentinus, I can see! I can see!”
“Praise be to God!” Valentinus exclaimed, and he knelt in prayer.

On the eve of his death Valentinus wrote a last note to Julia, urging her to stay close to God. He signed it, “From your Valentine.” His sentence was carried out the next day, February 14, 270 A.D., near a gate that was later named Porta Valentini in his memory. He was buried at what is now the Church of Praxedes in Rome. It is said that Julia planted a pink-blossomed almond tree near his grave. Today, the almond tree remains a symbol of abiding love and friendship. On each February 14, Saint Valentine’s Day, messages of affection, love, and devotion are exchanged around the world.”

Valentinus was granted Sainthood and the Catholic Church decided to create a feast in his honor. They picked February 14 as the day of celebration because of the ancient belief that birds (particularly lovebirds, but also owls and doves) began to mate on that very day.

Valentine’s day is about remembering and celebrating what deep rooted love really is. Can your love today, like Valentinus’s love for Julia bring miracles into your partner’s life?

God gave us everything in pairs – two ears, two hands, two eyes, two feet… but why only one heart? Because he gave another to someone else for us to go and find so that they beat together with one rhythm.

HAPPY ST. VALENTINE’S DAY!