Woman, when the world sees you what do they see, your sexuality or your femininity – is it only about your appearance as a woman or is it about your power as a woman? 

When a woman makes her looks to be her only centre of attraction then she is objectifying herself thus attracting bad attention, like men who are only after sex . If a woman only concentrates on a small dimension of herself of hair, make-up, the big bum etc. she`s limiting herself and simply robbing herself of a deeper meaning of her existence. Don`t teach people to only love you for how you look – anything can happen to you, you could wake up with a skin eating bacteria, should people stop loving you because you`ll no longer be able to pout?

Femininity is an exquisite quality ALL women posses. Some feel the power of their femininity and are afraid to embrace because they feel it is a weakness or it renders them vulnerable. Such a mentality isn`t surprising because the modern world does not help women in tapping into their feminine essence – the world is still too masculine, it doesn`t create a safe place for women to embrace their femininity. This though, doesn`t mean that women should kill their nature and reincarnate into a foreign body rather women should use their intuition to navigate around life, so that they fear the gripping effects of vulnerability just like a blind person who uses their intuition to see into life. 

The world knows a woman to be intensely empathetic, immensely charming, nurturing, utterly unselfish, she excels  in the difficult arts of family life and she possesses great grace. A woman is the softer side of life.  Biblically we believe that we were made out of Adam`s rib – why the rib? The ribs are bones that are delicate and fragile yet can protect the heart – women are protectors of the core of humanity, they`re protectors of life. This is what femininity is naturally about, sexuality is part of femininity but femininity is not necessarily part of sexuality.

So woman another question to you again – are you a sex-bomb or are you an irresistible body of feminine energy?

Maya Angelou hailed us woman when she wrote, Phenomenal Woman:

“Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size but when I start to tell them they think I’m telling lies. I say, it’s in the reach of my arms, the span of my hips, the stride of my step, the curl of my lips. I’m a woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.
I walk into a room just as cool as you please and to a man, the fellows stand or fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, a hive of honey bees. I say, It’s the fire in my eyes and the flash of my teeth, the swing in my waist and the joy in my feet. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.
Men themselves have wondered what they see in me. They try so much but they can’t touch my inner mystery. When I try to show them they say they still can’t see. I say, it’s in the arch of my back, the sun of my smile, the ride of my breasts, the grace of my style. I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.
Now you understand just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing it ought to make you proud. I say, it’s in the click of my heels, the bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, the need of my care. ‘Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.”                                      
                                   Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou





From what we know and from what we`ve experienced, apart from being pleasurable, sex for all men is about validation, power and sex is also the Holy Grail of their manhood. For men who are racked with doubt, those men who cover up their bad habits with obnoxious bravado and those men with feelings of inadequacy, sex is the iron fist by which they rule over women with. For such men sex can be dangerous – falling in love, obsession, rejection, abandonment, loss of self, fear of annihilation, psychosis and the manic madness of ecstasy are all potential psychological side-effects of sex. One passionate, spontaneous sexual encounter can change the course of a life, for better or worse.

What kind of a man forces himself on a woman – a woman he sometimes knows and at times doesn`t know? Such a man is the one who feels emasculated and can smell vulnerability in a woman from a mile away. These man think that raping a woman will reinstate their manhood – the nest of such a mentality is made out of distorted ideologies of “distance oneself from femininity”, “restrict emotions”, “be tough and aggressive”, “be seen as highly sexual with women” and “prove one`s heterosexuality”. Some men were taught that a woman who says ‘NO’ to him is defiant and should be punished for saying that. Some men also believe that they have unearned masculine rights towards women – like touching her bum without her permission and expecting her not to mind it.

I think it`s safe to say that rapists are men who psychologically don`t like women who own themselves and own the space they operate in and prey on those women who can`t balance their femininity and sexuality.

Men with such corrupt minds should learn to respect a woman`s body, whether they see it in magazines or in real life – a woman`s body is a sanctuary of life and should be taken care of at all times. Raping a woman is like breaking a glass into tiny sharp pieces, the next person who`ll be picking up those pieces will have to be careful not to cut themselves.

As Joseph Campbell says in The Hero with a Thousand Faces: “It is only when a man tames his own demons that he becomes the king of himself if not of the world”.

PhD in Sisterhood



Sisterhood is a bond that goes beyond a blood relation; it is the coming together of two or more women who have a lot in common. Sisterhood is about staying during times of sickness, in dark edges of mourning, during a divorce etc; sisterhood is about being responsible about a friend`s feelings even when the foundation of the friendship is crumbling. Sisterhood is about accepting a girlfriend`s flaws and taking in your differences in a pursuit to create something beautiful; sisterhood is about being present in a friend`s life through deed and words in good times and bad. Sisterhood is respect – NO should mean NO and YES should be YES between sisters; sisterhood survives on peace, love and laughter – conflicts between girlfriends are resolved politely. Sisterhood is about having standard and class, friends are mature towards each other. Sisterhood is eternal, the friendship between girlfriends is something that should be enshrined deep inside – it`s a soul to soul thing between sisters.; sisterhood is to fight and be a voice for a sister in situations that leave her without a voice. Sisterhood is about being able to shape-shift and be able to walk a distance in a another sister`s shoes with understanding and not complain.

A lot of women’s souls bear the sisterhood scars, things that were done to them by other women – these are the scars:
GOSSIP – a girlfriend will confide in another things that run very deep within her soul; her fears, her dark past, her mistakes, her erratic ways etc. and what the other sister is suppose to do is just listen and keep those secrets to herself. Some so-called friends will go behind a sister`s back and sell those secrets at the corner of the street, and they`ll call themselves your friend.
JUDGMENT – some friends who have a bucket loads of low self-esteem will become a girlfriend`s judge, jury and executor instead of being her support structure.
BULLYING – some women who are insecure will turn their friends into minions and will not allow them to express themselves in the best way they know how.
JEALOUSY – some friends who aren`t ambitious enough cannot stand seeing another girlfriend conquer the world and instead of singing her praises they`d rather disfigure her image with lies.
HYPOCRISY – the “preacher’s wife” friend who lives two lives will tell her other friends how to live their lives, this just being a ploy to destroy other people’s lives just that they become lost like she is.
HATRED – such a person is a “frienemy”, they’re a wolf that waltzes in a sheep skin, she considers a sister’s existence as a curse in her life – she can’t accept that no two are the same.
BETRAYAL – there’s no greater stabber in the back like a deceitful  friend who sleeps with your man, in her mind she thinks that your man is best suited for her, she’s a user. She’d help carry out an assassination on who she pretends to be friends with.
SELFISHNESS – this friend is the one who never shares anything worth sharing with her sister circle, everything has to be about her, she`d do anything to another woman just to get her out of her way if she poses any kind of  threat that might outshine her.

This redefinition is caused by the unhealthy competition that happens between women – they compete on things like their level of independence, their careers and even the type of men they date/are married to. Women forget to build meaningful friendships with other women so that if money leaves her coffers overnight she has a girlfriend who`ll bail her out or if she loses her job and gets her professional reputation tarnished she can has a sister who`ll hire her at her company or if her man sleeps tonight loving her and wakes up the following morning no longer loving her she`ll have a friend who`ll help her to pick up the pieces and move on.

One of the problems women have with each other is that most in their lives are pretenders, they present a fake self to the world, and they wear masks and hardly ever let the world see the real self. There`ll be Jessica the mom who`s nothing compared to Jessica the wife and Jessica the colleague is a complete stranger to Jessica the friend and so the list goes on. The fight breaks out between women when the woman who knows that the other is pretends blows her cover.

The other problem women have is that they seek approval from other women – no one gives approval in your life except yourself, so forget about another`s opinion and live like there’s no tomorrow.

Let’s not allow anyone to punch holes in the sisterhood, the sisterhood is what makes us women.