Without You


We`ve all at some point in our lives have experienced the sinister effect of death and no matter how many times we encounter death grieving is never easy. Every day that dawns someone somewhere in the world loses a close loved one and how they respond to the pain is anyone`s guess – from those who`ve been through the grieving process, how have you somehow conquered the pain and managed to live with the loss?

I lost my father 17 years ago but every time I visit his grave I still shed a tear or two. I think the only thing that made things a bit better for me in dealing with my father`s death was that when I lost him I was young and couldn`t fully understand the concept of death. I`m somehow grateful that he passed away at that point in my life because if it had happened later in my life I fear that I would`ve broke under the bent of grief.

After some many years of grappling with the fact that my father wasn`t there to instill fear in my first boyfriend and he won`t be there to walk me down the aisle, I earlier this year was confronted with the death of friend – a friend who we saw as someone who was larger than life. I have lost schoolmates, colleagues, and relatives but for some weird reason when this death was announced I felt like this was my very first encounter with death. It`s been six months since we buried him and I only visited his grave once, I couldn`t even bring myself to see his coffin go into the ground on the day of his burial. The whole experience of this death felt unnatural and taboo to me. What made things even more unbearable was that his death was like those Shakespearean love story that end tragedly – he died while he was in the process of fixing things with the love of his life who is also my friend. They had separated for little over three years but they had recently found their way back to each other, we were all looking forward to their reunion but unfortunately death struck before questions were answered and words were spoken. Seeing the pain in his lover`s eyes as she kept on asking the question “Why now?” made dealing with this loss even more harder – the more we tried coming up with answers to her question the more reality kept on chewing on the raw reality and tasting the bitterness.

So how are we expected to deal with the pain – de we suppress it or do we ignore it? And what are we suppose to do with the feelings we felt for the person who has passed away – should we give them to someone else or should we bury them with the person?

We are born knowing that we do not have forever in this life that is why we shouldn`t procrastinate in doing things for people, doing things with them and loving them.

When a person still has blood coursing through their veins when the words “I love you” are said they open up doors of affection, when the words “Thank you” are said they soften the heart and when the words “I`m sorry” are said they give you a second chance.

The pain we feel when we lose someone shouldn`t be about the regrets we feel it should show that the love we had for them was real.

Shel Silverstein in A Light in the Attic says “There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle and a very happy start.”