Ashes of Love

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We often hear that most marriages don’t survive the birth of kids, and you wonder why because kids should be the most celebrated gift from God. People who’ve been married for more than 5 years will tell you that over time love fades away, there’s no longer that romance and passion you’re only left with tolerance.

Why would such an electrifying emotion that makes people to swear on their lives that they’d be parted from their spouse by death seize to exist between the two – does this mean that the two never loved each other to begin with or do people just don’t know how to love?

You might not be a psychic but REAL love teaches you to be empathetic – if you go through a relationship/marriage without being able to “just” know beyond intuition and without being told anything about what your partner needs and wants, if you can’t absorb your partner’s emotions to feel what they might be feeling, if you can’t get your partner to open up without interrogation and if you can’t listen THEN you haven’t climaxed in love.

Love might wither away because of loving without recharging – love is greatly recharged by RESPECT. A partner who doesn’t respect you will definitely exhaust the little love in the relationship – the only thing you’ll be left with is an anemic relationship.

Does your relationship/marriage mainly survive on sex? If yes, then there’s no love there, it is after all said that sex is the consolation you have when you can’t have love. When you’re in a relationship you should find it very easy to cuddle with your partner naked in bed and not feel the urge to have sex – that’s when you can feel the love.

Love is like a drug, a good drug which when not administered in a relationship everyday, it will wear off – so follow doctors orders and inject your relationship with the right dose of love.

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Forget to forgive

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Holy texts prescribe that we should forgive peopleĀ  77 x 7 times and they also say that forgiveness is a sign of love. Forgiveness sounds good and looks good on paper but in reality it’s only about accepting the situation and making peace with it no matter how painful it is. The only Being who can exclusively forgive trespasses is God – He’s the only ones who knows our heart’s intentions.

Forgiveness only exists if the person you wronged can no longer recall what you did to them – other than that because of a person’s inability to easily forget, complete forgiveness is almost impossible. What makes forgiveness even more difficult to grant to someone is that you don’t know what lies in their hearts – can the same heart that had dark intentions to hurt you be the same heart which a sincere apology comes from?

Forgiveness takes time, it takes willingness and it takes great emotional maturity for it to happen without any setbacks. Forgiving someone is about allowing them to redeem themselves, it is about reinstating trust, it’s about you the offended finding peace and it is about getting life back on track. How do you get your life back on track, find peace, learn to trust again and believe a person has changed after you’ve been raped?

We all know that forgiveness is the best and the right thing to do especially for ourselves but sometimes it seems like asking a lot from a person when we advise them to forgive and forget.

So the best advise is don’t drink poison and expect your offender to die – just take your time to comprehend the situation that has put you in a compromising position, then find the best way to make peace with the reality.