To you I give

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It’s amazing how the little things we consider insignificant can cause grossly disproportionate damage – those little foxes that do great harm to the vines.

We see people choosing not to get married, some cohabit, others get married but their marriage ends up in a divorce even after many years of being together and we also have those who cheat on their partners. The root cause of all of this isn’t something as big as the ending of the world but it is something as simple as the lack of submission.

Often when people think of submitting themselves to partner they think of it as stupidity, slavery, patriarchy, emasculation or abuse. For some people that might be a reality but this isn’t the true definition of submission between two people who love each other. Submission is about you unconditionally giving your heart to your partner.

Submission starts with SELF-DISCIPLINE. There’s all kinds of temptations in the world and now and then a person will be subjected to a temptation which could destroy their marriage or relationship – an individual needs to be able to suppress their desires for the sake of the wellbeing of their partner. Be a responsible someone.

Submission is a show of MATURITY. You should understand that giving yourself to your partner doesn’t mean that your subjecting yourself to something negative and in turn your partner shouldn’t think they’ve been upgraded to a demigod/goddess. You’re submitting yourself because of love and love should be reciprocated.

Submission is about being NAKED. When you take off your clothes to make love to your partner, you submit yourself to the pleasure and passion. You must then take this nakedness a step further, you need to be naked (be transparent) when talking to your partner – be trustworthy and honest, don’t be a pretender.

Submission only happens when there is WILLINGNESS – without willingness it is no longer submission, you’re being subjected to slavery and everything negative. Give of yourself because you want to not because you’re forced to.

Put all this in an envelope of love and seal it with a kiss.

The glue in every relationship is submission, your willingness to do anything for your partner wholeheartedly shows unconditional love, the kind of love most needed in every marriage/relationship.

Let the other heart be the rhythm and let the other be the echo.

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Intertwined

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The topic of religion is a very sensitive one, be it among scholars, friends or family but it becomes even more sensitive when it comes to love – the question is, how important is your partner’s religious background to you?

I’ll start with myself – I’m a very active and practice Catholic and my religion isn’t just a belief system, it is my lifestyle. I was raised by a Catholic mother and a father who didn’t believe in Jesus Christ but for the sake of his family, on Christmas day he’d join in the festivities. Despite their different religions backgrounds, my parents had a wonderful marriage. I guess that’s what influenced me to have dated a Baha’i faith follower.

We almost got married and we had even talked about starting a family. I made it very clear to him that first of all, no matter how much he might try to persuade me or how much he might pray for me, I will never convert to the Baha’i faith and secondly our kids will only be allowed free religion will after they turn 18. It was either this or nothing at all – that’s how important my religion is to me. This didn’t mean that I thought of my religious beliefs as being superior to his but I feared that if I were to leave the Catholic Church, I would lose myself – I would then turn into a wife and mother I didn’t want to be.

You’d ask – why date someone of such different religious beliefs to Catholicism if being Catholic is so important to me – it’s simple, he was raised Catholic and that’s what made me comfortable about him. “What is your religious background?” is not a question I’d ask my prospective partner instead he’ll voluntarily and immediately disclose it himself especially seeing as to how involved I am with my Church.

For me, my partner’s religious background matters a great deal, not because I’m being judgemental or prejudice but because the way a person lives his life in accordance with God or a Higher Power’s teachingsĀ  is very important. If it happens that I marry out of the Catholic faith, I prefer to date/marry someone of a relative religion to Catholicism or someone who is spiritual, those who believe in the healing powers of nature and those who believe in the sacred mystery of life.

Tolerance, emotional maturity and open mindedness is what is needed in a relationship of two partners with different religious backgrounds. It will also depend on how much an individual values their religion, if you’re a “churchgoer” then you’ll most probably go into any building labelled “church” but if you’re a believer you’ll stick to what you believe in and avoid anyone who might lead you astray.

A relationship is like a dish, religion in this dish is the spice – some spices compliment each other and others can cause sickness when put together. So be careful as to how much spice you put in and what kind is it.

Who do you say I am?

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This is the question Jesus Christ asked the question, “Who do you say I am?” and He got different answers. These misunderstandings of who He was eventually led to Him being crucified.

This is exactly what is happening to a lot of people today – people distort your character, your words and your intentions. Anything you write on the pages of life gets rewritten by society simply because you’ve been boxed in a certain box – for them you’re a square peg in a round hole but to yourself you’re just yourself.

This is how we crucify each other, and what makes it more painful is that we are nailed to those crosses, pierced with those spears and given that vinegar to drink but we don’t die immediately, we’re not put out of the misery immediately. One part of the body is forced to watch the other part die a slow and painful death or you are forced to live with a paralysis most probably for the rest of your life – the heart is forced to watch as love dies or a person is forced to live with the fear of living their life the way they will.

In life we need more understanding to tackle misunderstandings. If only people would stop assuming and start asking the right questions then everyone would be able to exercise good character judgement.

I have a friend who I’ve known for 9 years now – I’ll be the first to admit that he is a handful and he’ll get on your nerves if you allow him. To live with him in harmony you have to be very a patient person and be paternal or maternal with him. He is the most misunderstood person I’ve ever known, it’s like people have been negatively sensitized against him in a huge way.

He’s quite a lovable person, he’s very bubbly but his only problem is that he has greatly mistaken arrogance for confidence – how many people do we know who are like that but no one makes it their personal and deliberate mission to misunderstand them. In a lot of people’s eyes there is absolutely nothing that he says or does right, people are refusing to see the good in him. And how he has chosen to deal with this situation in his life is quite painful – firstly he has deliberately blinded himself from seeing reality, he is trying too hard to fit in to a group of people who don’t want him, this is only putting his life in harm’s way; secondly behind closed doors he drowns his sorrows like some people do now and then, it’s not a sin but he has a recurring respiratory tract infection so this drinking is detrimental to his health. With him as well, a part of him will be dead and another will be paralysed – it’s quite hurting to watch someone you care about forsake themselves just to fit in to a group of people who are simply unwilling to take the time to understand him, sometimes I wish I could transfer my understanding of him into them but we all know what’s good for goose isn’t always good for the gander.

This is my experience of people who crucify others for things they’re not guilty of – can’t human beings just be a little bit nicer to one another…

How often, you wonder, has the direction of your life been shaped by such misunderstandings? How many opportunities
have you been denied or for that matter, awarded because someone failed to see you properly? How many friends have you lost, how many have you gained, because they glimpsed some element of your personality that shone through for only an instant, and in circumstances you could never reproduce? An illusion of water shimmering at the far bend of a highway.