Don’t Serve Yourself On A Silver Platter

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When we start out in a new relationship we wish for it to be forever – sometimes it does become forever and at times things come apart.

There is nowhere where it’s written that you need to act like a wife so that a man can see you to be worthy of marriage. You can’t bestow wife privileges upon a man who hasn’t put a ring on it, doing that will only sabotage your chances of getting married.

When culture was still followed properly, in African culture a woman would never sleep over at her boyfriend’s place until he would send his uncles to her family to ask for her hand in marriage. Such customs prevented men from using women for pleasure then later dump them. A proper commitment had to take place between the two for the woman to be recognised as the lady of the house who can lay down the law when necessary.

Every woman needs to understand that for as long as he hasn’t married you, you remain as his friend who is a girl and friends sometimes have limited access in another friend’s life.

No unmarried man gets a hot meal every night, has a sparkling clean house or has his kid (s) unless he has a maid or lives with his mother. Your worth as a woman well suited for marriage doesn’t depend on your ability to keep a home, a man should marry you for love. As much as a healthy relationship requires an individual to compromise for the other, girlfriends don’t sacrifice their happiness just to please the boyfriend. If the boyfriend is a real man he will never make his girlfriend choose between his needs and her own.

The saying “no sex before marriage” arouse from such a predicament – no girlfriend sleeps with her boyfriend on a daily basis. We all know that sex can be addictive for some people and with that being said some end up being stuck in toxic marriages just because the sex is good. As a girlfriend you have to serve him small portions of the cake because if he eats the whole cake in short space of time he will get extremely full and he won’t be able to get up and wash that plate, he will rather throw the plate away – remember, that plate is you the girlfriend. If your boyfriend acts as if he’s bought sexual exclusive rights to your body then don’t waste time on him – no one has ever seen a cookie jar wearing a wedding ring. Sex may make you adored and glorified for a while – who would buy the cow if he can abundantly get the milk for free?

Don’t catch the “saviour complex”. No girlfriend shares financial responsibilities with her boyfriend, you’re not married in community of property as yet. Keep your nose out of his financial obligations, don’t take it upon yourself to pay off huge financial obligations like the car, the house etc – we all know how money can mess things up. If you’re a natural giver, give, but not too much.

As the girlfriend don’t become clingy – you’ll end up being the obsessive wife. And remember, as far as his family is concerned you’re a stranger, so tread carefully around the family. Another thing, while you’re still the girlfriend don’t let your boyfriend know much about your weaknesses – he’s not yet the man for the job.

Love him, support him but don’t overstep the mark.

As it is written in Proverbs 18:24 “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family”. I hope you find that true friend.

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Be True To Thyself

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With every day which comes and goes, it’s increasingly becoming harder to trust people and for some people it’s becoming even harder to trust themselves. People continue to make wrong decisions when it comes to different spheres of life because they fail to listen to their gut feeling, some have even lost the ones they love because they didn’t trust what their emotions enough. Human beings have become accustomed to lying to themselves.

When it comes to being true to ourselves there’s a lot we can learn from the animals we were given dominion over. Despite the fact that global warming has altered the natural patterns of nature, animals are themselves all the time. As an example, a pig always portrays pure pig behaviour, it never does anything out of its character – whether you bath a it in perfume or put lipstick on it, it will always go back to rolling in the mud – this is because this pig is supremely comfortable in the scheme of things. This goes for all animals. Humans aren’t always this true to their nature, we struggle with comfortability in our own skin in today’s multifaceted society, this in turn leads to us staying in unsatisfactory jobs or accepting relationships which are ill suited for our personalities.

We need to reinstate the trust in ourselves and we can only do this if we use animal survival tactics. We need to COMMUNICATE – animals communicate for various reasons like hunting for food, warning others of danger and attracting a mate. We too should get in the habit of communicating with our specie to avoid misunderstandings, to make our intentions known and to have successful relationships with our families, friends and partners.

We have to use our INSTINCTS. Just like in animals, our instincts are engrailed into us when we’re still developing in our mothers’ wombs. Animals are born with natural instincts, that’s how beavers know how to build a bridge or how elephant calves can run around after a couple of hours of being born. We too are born like that but we need to train that instinct further, we need to awaken our intuition and we need to be conscious of our gut feeling.

We need to be INTELLIGENT. Even though as human we were made to have dominion over all animals the level of human intelligence does not hugely exceed the level of intelligence of animals like dolphins, apes and dogs. It is for this reason that we have to go to school to gain further knowledge – that’s why there’s a clear distinction between those people who have gone to school and those who haven’t. School teaches people a lot of things thus making education paramount to human kind.

Everyone has to have a STRATEGY. It is usually said that in the wild it is the survival of the fittest. Animals always have a certain way of doing things they have defence, hunting, resting and mating strategies. We too also have to have strategies which will get us through life, things like having morals and values and staying true to them.

We have to be able to CAMOUFLAGE. Animals use their ability to go unnoticed in their surrounding environment to hide from danger. We have to have that same ability to make our weaknesses unnoticed to be able to survive in life’s wilderness – fake it till you make it.

We’re not only like animals but we are animals, we are animals with the peculiar advantage of having both instinct and reason at our disposal. So we have the capacity to fuse both morality and instinct to maintain our tame nature and not be raw and rogue like animals in the wild.

Human beings shouldn’t be afraid of the power they possess – everyone should use their power of attraction, their power to choose and their power to love to the fullest, this will definitely help everyone to be true to themselves.

As Jennifer DeLucy says “If nothing else in this long and short life, let me be true to my conscience, to the dignity of my own heart. Let me act in a way that says, I have honoured my spirit as truly as I have honoured others. Let me stand tall and rooted as a mountain in the face of a quaking world.”

His Cry for Help

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There is nothing that hurts me like seeing a man cry. I’m not talking about those who were caught cheating, those who cry when drunk, those who cry when their favourite team has been beaten or momma’s boys – I’m talking about those who you’ve never seen defeated even though they find themselves in a defeating situation. I do not see it as a sign of weakness but I see it as a sign of deep rooted pain.

People often wonder as to when will men learn to ask for help, and the answer is simple – men will learn to ask for help when society, their families and their partners are ready to give them bread when they ask for bread instead of a snake to eat. How do we expect our men to openly ask for help when they’ve been demonised so badly in society – when they’re seen to having ulterior motives whenever they say “Hello”? This curling up of theirs like an Armadillo when it senses danger is a protection mechanism, they’re protecting their hearts from hurt and they’ll never uncoil until they sense that the danger is gone.

The best way to get a man to open up is by trusting him and showing him that he can trust you. When you put trust in someone you greatly increase their ability to have faith in themselves and achieve beyond measure.

To have a strong fibre of men society should refrain from having preconceived ideas about men – society should stop falsely accusing men and sending them to time behind bars of helplessness. Women should stop thinking that every man who talks to her wants to get underneath her skirt, mothers should stop teaching their daughters to fear their fathers, not every man is a rapist and not every man is a dog. And let’s try and not give life to the “men and women can’t be friends” saying, there’s more to men than just sex.

A word to the ladies – when a guy comes on to you and you feel that he’s not in your league let him down gently, don’t make him feel like he’s subhuman. Some may be able to handle being chewed up and spat out but others will habour that anger of rejection. Such things are what breed rapists, alcoholics etc. in some men.

Men just like infants, “cry” whenever they want something and it’s up to the infant’s mother to know her baby’s cry and with men as well, it’s up to his woman to know what his cry for help sounds like.

There is nothing complicated about men.