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When we start out in a new relationship we wish for it to be forever – sometimes it does become forever and at times things come apart.

There is nowhere where it’s written that you need to act like a wife so that a man can see you to be worthy of marriage. You can’t bestow wife privileges upon a man who hasn’t put a ring on it, doing that will only sabotage your chances of getting married.

When culture was still followed properly, in African culture a woman would never sleep over at her boyfriend’s place until he would send his uncles to her family to ask for her hand in marriage. Such customs prevented men from using women for pleasure then later dump them. A proper commitment had to take place between the two for the woman to be recognised as the lady of the house who can lay down the law when necessary.

Every woman needs to understand that for as long as he hasn’t married you, you remain as his friend who is a girl and friends sometimes have limited access in another friend’s life.

No unmarried man gets a hot meal every night, has a sparkling clean house or has his kid (s) unless he has a maid or lives with his mother. Your worth as a woman well suited for marriage doesn’t depend on your ability to keep a home, a man should marry you for love. As much as a healthy relationship requires an individual to compromise for the other, girlfriends don’t sacrifice their happiness just to please the boyfriend. If the boyfriend is a real man he will never make his girlfriend choose between his needs and her own.

The saying “no sex before marriage” arouse from such a predicament – no girlfriend sleeps with her boyfriend on a daily basis. We all know that sex can be addictive for some people and with that being said some end up being stuck in toxic marriages just because the sex is good. As a girlfriend you have to serve him small portions of the cake because if he eats the whole cake in short space of time he will get extremely full and he won’t be able to get up and wash that plate, he will rather throw the plate away – remember, that plate is you the girlfriend. If your boyfriend acts as if he’s bought sexual exclusive rights to your body then don’t waste time on him – no one has ever seen a cookie jar wearing a wedding ring. Sex may make you adored and glorified for a while – who would buy the cow if he can abundantly get the milk for free?

Don’t catch the “saviour complex”. No girlfriend shares financial responsibilities with her boyfriend, you’re not married in community of property as yet. Keep your nose out of his financial obligations, don’t take it upon yourself to pay off huge financial obligations like the car, the house etc – we all know how money can mess things up. If you’re a natural giver, give, but not too much.

As the girlfriend don’t become clingy – you’ll end up being the obsessive wife. And remember, as far as his family is concerned you’re a stranger, so tread carefully around the family. Another thing, while you’re still the girlfriend don’t let your boyfriend know much about your weaknesses – he’s not yet the man for the job.

Love him, support him but don’t overstep the mark.

As it is written in Proverbs 18:24 “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family”. I hope you find that true friend.

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